8/15: Stripping May Not Be A Good Idea

Tonight, Deborah and I went on several adventures.  We visited the bank, had some ice cream, visited the Ypsi Heritage Fest and most importantly, applied to become a stripper.

What?!

Okay, so I've talked about dancing for a while now.  I think it is a pretty interesting profession and I've heard you can earn quite a few ducats.  I'm also quite shy about my body so it seems like a great way to get over myself, conquer a fear, blah blah blah.

Well, the idea is much more appealing than the reality.

On our way through Dearborn to catch a couple of Drive-In flicks, we happened across a little strip club very tastefully named "Chicks on Dix." (the name of the street, of course)

I originally just wanted a photo of the sign because I thought it was so vulgarly hilarious.  But wait, oh wait, there was another sign for "Dancers Wanted."

We made our way to the door, I said I wanted to apply to be a dancer, the doormen let me in to talk to the manager.  He interviewed me on the spot!  What the f**k?!  I totally don't look like the "dancin" type, but I guess I did have on a cute little dress outfit that made my chest look a little bit bigger than reality.  We sat at a table where the kind gentleman began to ask me some questions.

"What do you do?" I'm a chef

"Where do you live?" About 45 minutes away

"Have you ever danced before?" No

"Any dancing lessons?" No

"Why do you want to dance?" I've always thought it seemed like fun and I could use the extra money

"No tap, ballet?" No, is that a problem?

"No, not at all."

What?!  Not a problem that I have no dancing experience and quite frankly cannot for the life of me do the marimba to the left?  People have laughed as I tried, it is impossible.

So, it really seemed like this guy was interested.  My thought process became: how the hell do I get out of this one?  

Finally, my loophole presented itself before an audition could take place.  He needed someone at least 4 nights a week and I could only promise to commit to 1 with my busy work schedule.  We shook hands and he graciously took me to the door.  I asked if I could take the application with me, just in case, and he told me no.

So much for my stripping career.

8/8: Graham Crackers & Cheesecakes

I practice cooking different things quite often.  I'll get in a mood where I only do sauces, then I'll get more specific and only do tomato sauces, white sauces, etc.  Lately, my mood has been working w/ creams and more specifically desserts.

I am obsessing over making an amazing cheese cake.

Today, I decided to make a regular old graham cracker crust cheese cake.  I started on the crust and realized that I love crumbling graham crackers.  It feels freeing to completely destroy them and mush them in the bottom of a pie pan.

I found that I started just crumbling them for fun.

Do you need some graham cracker dust?  I have a lot and you can have it for free.  Cheesecake not included.

8/2: Lindsey Lohan is Gay?!

Fabulous news!  I am once again behind, but this time I am filled w/ the glee of learning some exciting new news.  I spent most of the morning online researching this new found information and am happy.  So very happy.

She's in love w/ a girl.  Kissing a girl.  Living w/ a girl.  Girl Girl Girl.

And Sam Ronson seems pretty fucking killer.

Good job Lindsey.  Good job Sam.  Good job genetics.

Why do I care?  Well, first off:  Love when celebrities come out.  Makes them seem a bit more real.  Second: crushing on Ms. Lohan since Mean Girls.  3rd: Like Lindsey so much I've watched "I Know Who Killed Me"  three times.

Awesome ladies.  Simply awesome.

8/1: Car Tires

I changed a car tire today!  

That may not seem like much, but honestly, have you done it?  I mean, without help or AAA?

The caravan took a nail last week and I have been hesitant to change the tire myself.  Last time I tried to change a tire, I had to jump up and down on the nut thingy (see my expertise?) to loosen the bolts.  Needless to say, I did not fair well and had to get some professional help.

Today, I decided to take on the challenge without help.  I know someone would have been willing to change it for me.  I just didn't want to pay.  I also wanted to overcome the fear of being "just a girl" who should stick to "girly things."

Side note, what the fuck does that mean?  I've had several guy friends throughout my life offer to do "guy things" for me.  Pound in nails, break tree branches, change oil, etc. etc.  I know I'm a chick and not very big, but I've done my share of roughneck stuff.  I know that all this comes from a place of love, but seriously, when did being a chick limit my ability to use a screw driver or mow a lawn?

Anyway, it did take about three hours and yes, I had to use my full body weight to create enough leverage to pry the bolts off, but I did it!

I did it!  

Even better, my spare is a full size tire so I can be lazy and take forever to get the other one repaired.

Not bad for a chick.  Though, I was not a fan of all the dirt.  Eewwwwy, dirt.

7/30: George Carlin Died?

Where have I been?  George Carlin died?  I did not know about this.  Did someone tell me?  

Man, I am so out of touch with the world. 

I forgot it was July.

I thought George Carlin was sweet.  RIP George Carlin.

7/29: Lame, Lame, Lame

I don't know about you, but I work for one of those departments that believes the key to employee morale is through donut carts and kudos candy bars.

I'm not trying to bitch, but some days it can get you down.  I'm not saying I don't enjoy donuts, as evidenced by last blog.  I, in fact, love donuts, I'm just saying donuts are great but so are other things.

We had a team building exercise for our planning and guiding team retreat today.  Okay, first off: planning and guiding team retreat?  Doesn't that sound like a regular old hoot nanny.  Not only did I have to stop my work day to do this, but it gets the name retreat?  The word retreat has "treat" in it.  When I think of treat, I think of a massage or a great piece of chocolate, not a 3 hour escapade into the team building of a work group.

Not everything about this day was terrible.  Overall, I did enjoy the time spent with my colleagues and gained a fresh perspective on our team's importance to the department as a whole.

But....not a fan of team building exercises like pretending to be a working machine with your peers in front of a bunch of people who already don't take you seriously and some of whom you wouldn't wave hello to on the street let along spend your afternoon with.

This may be fun for others, others that may not spend weekends going to fantastic concerts or exploring their local communities free oddball offerings.  These others are not me.  

Our machine was not cool, we only had three people and I was totally embarrassed.

I am a whiny little bitch sometimes.  Ego hurt, pride falls, etc. etc.

I learned that I need to work on this.  Just maybe not as a vending machine.

7/27: Best Dessert Ever

I ate the best dessert of my entire life today.

Zingerman's Roadhouse Donut Caramel Dessert thingy is amazing.  I actually felt what it was like to have a perfect moment.

Eat it now!

7/26: Sweet Movies Made Sweeter

I am a movie junkie.  I will sit at home, watch 6 - 8 movies in a row and do it all over again the next day.  What can I say, unreality makes me happy.

You know what makes movies sweeter?  Seeing them in IMax HD with 6.1 surround sound.  Thank you movie theater.

Today, I saw the sweetest movie I've seen in a long time: Batman.  If you have not seen this latest installment, let me just say that I do not know what is wrong with you.  This movie is hands down amazing made even better by stadium seating, giant HD action.

Technology is amazing!  Thank you technology wizards.

7/25: Headphones, What?

Did you know that it is illegal to wear headphones when driving a scooter/motorcycle?

I did not and had been jammin' to my ipod for some time while driving the little bike around.

Then, my brother-in-law set me straight.

I will say that I understand this law, but believe some exceptions should be made.

If a cop was ever in the car with me, they would realize that the volume of my ipod while driving the scooter in no way compares to the Niagara Falls volume of my car stereo system while booming down the freeway.  I cannot even hear myself breath in my car, let alone other traffic or emergency vehicles.  On my scooter, however, I am much more conscious of the volume button and make sure that I can still be alert to everything around me.  I can even hear crickets on a dusk-enveloped back road.

Please, help me.  I'd love to get a special waiver to continue to wear headphones while biking.  I'm special right?  Come on, I deserve to have special laws just for me.  He he.

Anyway, I'll follow the rules, though I don't like 'em.  I'll play the adult on this one.

But I won't like it.

7/23: Trust Your Hairstylist

I'm not sure how many of you have a dedicated hairstyling agent.  I do, and she is awesome.

I had stopped seeing her for sometime due to a lack of hair funding, but decided to reinstate our financial/styling relationship.

Thank high heavens.

My hair is great!  I'm not even saying that in some sort of ego-maniacal look at me, look at the amazing hair sort of way.  I'm just saying that if you took my hair off my head and put it in a museum, people would stop and stare.

This woman is an artist.

I will not tell you her name, however, due to my desire to continue to keep this amazing hair to myself.

I don't trust easily, but she has done it.

I trust my hairstylist.  At least with my hair.

7/22: Crazy Comes To Dinner

I have spoken in the past about a relationship that has been extremely tumultuous for me.  We have gone back and forth with one another several times, good and bad, with the same results.

The Einstein definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Yup, that sums this up.

So, after not having much communication, I invited this person to dinner.

For clarification, she/he is very important to me.  We have an amazing connection and have supported one another through several life altering events.  On my end, this has included my father's heart attack, my struggle with sobriety and eventual rehab.

Menu: Salad of Avocado, toasted Walnuts and Goat Cheese w/ a Shallot-Balsamic Vinaigrette, Chilean Sea-Bass on Wilted Spinach, Golden Beet Puree and Roasted Balsamic Grape Tomatoes, Roasted Stone Fruits w/ Toasted Almonds and Cannoli Cream.

Everything started off okay, or at least in the first 15 minutes.  Then, BAM!, crazy ensued.

My cell phone rang, w/ my friend's number blaring at me.  How could she/he be calling me?  Good question, since we were standing in my kitchen talking at the time.  I answered and a voice asked for her/him.  I gave them the phone, knowing who it was, and thought, "fuck, here it goes."

So it turns out the caller threatened to hang him/herself from a tree in my friend's backyard if they didn't leave my house and come home immediately.

Dinner was tough after that.  

Needless to say, the evening was fucking insane.  Dinner exploded into an argument.  I spent the next several hours sitting with this person as they had a complete mental breakdown in my living room.  Then, after everything seemed alright, she/he freaked out and left.

What the hell is that all about?

Moral?  If you let crazy in, don't be surprised if it ends up at your table.  

Man, we didn't even have dessert and I made fucking Sea Bass.

7/18: 2nd Annual Chef Garden Summit

Woo Hoo!  I was so excited.  The Chef Garden Summit at the Chef Garden in Ohio happened again.  A day of talking all things food, specifically vegetables.

I am a bit of a foodie.  Okay, not a bit, but a foodie to the core.  I live and breath food (though not literally as that would be dangerous) and the Chef Garden Summit gives a food nerd like myself the opportunity to be around other food nerds for 10 hours straight, discussing techniques, varieties and anything else that has to do with food.

We also get an opportunity to eat some of the most amazing creations that the best chefs in the nation take the time to unravel.  

Today, I had the best bacon I've ever tasted, served to me by none other than Lee Ann Wong of Top Chef fame (more importantly, of the French Culinary Institute).  I met the Midwest's James Beard winner (the Oscars of food) and drove through a colony of honeybees being resurrected by the Chefs Garden team.

I am so grateful to have the opportunity to see that people are still making a difference.  The Chefs Garden is a sustainable farm, replete with all the modern (and pre-modern) technologies necessary to bring real food back to the table without destroying our environment.  These guys are passionate about what they do and it shows in their clientele, from Emeril to Bobby Flay to Keller to Gordon Ramsey.  What an amazing thing!

Check out their website http://www.chefs-garden.com/  Unfortunately, only chefs may buy their products, but totally find a restaurant that uses their out of this world products.

Also, if you get a chance, taste a cucamelon.  

7/15: Bosses are Right?!

So, the day after my strawberry debacle, I was ready to return to my work.  A bit embarrassed, but on full cylinders.

My boss, Keith, called early in the morning.

"Are you okay?"  

"Yeah, just really tired, but I'll be in in a little bit."

"I want you to take the day off and rest."

"I'll be fine, just tired."

I did not admit that my right leg (the site of the epishot) felt as though I had been kicked by an elephant.

Well, he's my boss.  So, I listened.

In the end, it was a good idea.  When I went to take a shower, I was so exhausted that I needed to sit down in the tub several times to rest.

Man, who knew having a life-threatening event could be so exhausting?  Oh, you did?  Well, I'm not that sharp.

Thankfully, I listened to my boss.  I think it is the first time ever that a boss has told me to stay home.  

Thanks Keith.