6/25: Beef Tongue and Suckling Pig

I have this other little blog I do about restaurants.  In this blog, I am eating at several places and then offering my opinion.  At times, it is extremely difficult to remain objective in the face of new ingredients or descriptions.  But I do try, honest Grandma.

I ate a Mexican restaurant that was on my list.  I ordered a bunch of food, including various tacos.

One was beef tongue.

One was suckling pig.

The pig, not so bad.  Nice seasoning, tender, young.  Everything you'd expect from eating a slaughtered for no reason baby pig.

Beef tongue.  Holy Shit!  That is one of the most unappetizing items I have ever encountered.

You know when you eat something and the minute the food hits your mouth your stomach gives you a little, "oh hell no!"? 

Well, that's what beef tongue did to me.  Automatic nausea.

Nasty stuff.  I didn't finish.

6/24: Being Nice and Verbose Can Be Bad

We had our annual picnic/get together for work today.  It was nice, at the local Summer Festival.  Tent, food, fun, magic.

Well, I was in quite a mood, I must say.  Rare form indeed.  I was having a grand old time when a few of my employees showed up (can you believe they trust me with employees?? 30 of 'em no less!)

Anyway, my employee-friends and I were sitting at a little table, enjoying some fresh fruit and sandwiches when I saw some guy come into the tent.  I yelled, "hey man, how's it going?!"  Of course, I had no idea who this person was, until he came about 5 feet closer.

I then thought, "oh shit."

Needless to say, this gentleman worked in our building in a different department a short age ago and was quite fond of me.  And quite strange in his affections towards various women and rice krispy treats.  

He, of course, sat down.  Awkward indeed.  He stared at me a bit.  I said hello, he asked how he knew me, I explained.  He then asked me to take off my hat.  Big no no for the Jessinator.  I had hat head and said no, somewhat politely.  He also asked me to take off my sunglasses.  No again.

He then asked who I was sitting with.  I introduced these employee-friends as "my minions" (I've been known to do so from time to time and they seem to enjoy it.  No seriously, a couple said they did).

Anywho, he slowly looked me up and down.  Stopping at my breast region, responded with a "I wish I could be your minion."

Shit man!  What the hell was that.

My response, "Thanks, that was inappropriate, but kind."  With a gentle arm nudge away.

His response, "Why?"

My response, "Nice seeing you again, man.  Take care."  Another gentle but more to the point arm nudge away.

My minions had no idea what to do.

Brian's response, "What the hell was that?"

Marlee's response, laughter.

Sean's response, laughter with a tinge of irritation and embarrassment.

Needless to say, what I took away was this:

Make sure to really look at the person before you are verbosely nice.  It will save you from breast stares and sexual harassment shots.

6/23: I'm Late, I'm Late For A Very Important....

I am always late.  Damn, man.  Always late.  I was once again very late today.  Someone helped make me late, but I won't mention names.

It is embarrassing to be late, I realized today.  I used to not care so much as I didn't care much about much.  But today, I cared.

A new leaf?  Perhaps, but it is still in the budding phase.

6/22: Benedryl and Allergies

The only reason benedryl works is because it makes you pass out.

Which is what I did for several hours.

I have very bad allergies: stingy, watery eyeballs, scratchy throat, cough, sneezes (so many sneezes, too little tissue), itchy skin.

I take several prescription medicines for these symptoms - alas, to know avail it seems.  So, some days I need to take something else.

One benedryl did nothing.  Two benedryl did nothing.  No, that's not true.  I passed out for several hours, missing out on the day.

At least I don't know that my nose is running, except I see my pillow.

No more benedryl.

6/21: Ham Sandwich

I did not eat meat for several years.  What got me back in carnivore land?  Bacon!  Mmmm bacon.  Now, today, I discovered ham steak! MMMMM HAM STEAK!!!  Good ness gra cious.  Salty goodness, even better broiled and eaten alongside homemade mac n cheese.

Ham Steak.

6/20: Blogging about Learning

It is very difficult to keep up with a blog about learning something new everyday.

I thought this might be true, but it is confirmed.

Enough Said.

6/19: Cat Vomit

I have two cats: Caesar and Caspar.  They are awesome, except when they puke.  After 8 years or more of living with them, I still get queasy when they throw up.  Not from the throwing up, but actually from the cleaning up.  Why!  Why!  Why! 

Anyway, I learned today that it does not work to breath through my mouth to avoid the smell.  The smell of cat vomit is so overwhelming that I can actually taste it that way.  Much better to smell it than to taste it.

Nasty.

6/18: History Lessons

I learned several interesting facts today about today in history.  Sometimes when just surfing the net, I check out the interesting things that happened for the day.

For example, today:

Philip Barry, dramatist, who wrote "The Philadelphia Story," was born in 1896.

Isabella Rossellini ("Blue Velvet") was born in 1952

Roger Ebert was born in 1942

The U.S. declared war on Britain to begin the battle of 1812

Napolean was defeated in the Battle of Waterloo

Wow!  That is a lot to learn and there was a lot more, but I forgot it.

6/17: Meetings, Meetings, Meetings!

Some meetings are good.  I go to those a few times a week.  Some meetings are okay, I show up to those.  Some meetings are just bad business.  Bad bad business.  I learned a new technique for bad meetings.  I listen intently, almost too extremely and stare deeply at the person speaking as though I am hanging off every honey word that drips from their mouth.  This is, of course, regardless of whether or not anything they say is intelligent or even intelligible.  This makes the speaker wary and then increases my enjoyment of our time spent together.

Now, I know that this is probably not very nice and I promise I will work on it.  But today, just for today, it worked rather well and made said meeting much more tolerable.

At least for me.

6/16: Serenity

I felt it today; for one brief moment I encountered complete peace.  It lasted about .45 seconds but it was there.

What I learned:  I have to be still to feel it.

How introspective am I?

6/15: Magazine Subscriptions

I currently own two magazine subscriptions: Spin Magazine and Smithsonian.  I have been receiving Spin for a couple of year; it is cheap, informative and has a lot of music reviews.  I like that.  I've been getting Smithsonian for at least 4 years.  What a great mag!  So many pages of useless, interesting and colorful information.

Okay, so I love these magazines, but I can't keep up.  Today I realized that it is pointless to try to stay current in anything: fashion, news, music, trends and especially magazines.  It changes constantly and when you finally get it down (or finish the last page) you've already got two more sitting on the shelf that are out of style.

I'm not saying that I will give up my magazines, I'm just saying that I learned today that I am okay with being several months behind.

It's also great because I can then cut up a bunch for collage work at a time.

6/14: Pez

Today I bought a Pez dispenser.  It is Winnie the Pooh.  Though I am not a Winnie the Pooh fan, I do not dislike Winnie the Pooh and enjoy the thought of taking little tiny candies from the bottom of his head.  

Pez are not very tasty and they are very hard.  Very hard.  Tooth breaking hard.  They taste a bit like children's cough medicine in the 80's, before all the fancy technology made it yummy.

The only good thing about Pez are the dispensers.  I like tiny head things with big boxes attached.

6/13: Miniature Ben & Jerry's

Oh how marvelous!  Ben @ Jerry's have come out with a line of miniature ice cream tubs!  They are these tiny little 3.6 ounce miracles with their own plastic spoons in the lid.  Cookie Dough, Cherry Garcia!  Oh joy oh joy oh joy.  Just my size!

6/12: Ant Killer

I am an ant killer. My friend/landlord (well, I don't pay rent really) bought some ant powder because there has been a serious ant issue around the exterior of the house recently. I noticed a couple of the little suckers sneaking in and said, "oh hell no!"

This ant powder is a killer! Everything in its path was decimated in seconds: spiders, june bugs, ants, crickets, mosquitos. Holy Cows!

I actually feel bad now. I mean, don't the little ants deserve their own habitat? Isn't the outside theirs? To them, I'm just some giant monster with dust coming out of my limbs. There is no longer an ant problem, though.

At least I have that.

6/11: The Shining

Today I learned that it is a bad idea to watch "The Shining" by myself very late at night alone. I had to keep turning it off. I got so scared inside. So scared. Creapy-crawlies and all.

I eventually turned it off. Unfortunately, it was the last day for it on On-Demand Free Movies, so I'll have to wait quite a while to see the rest.

In the middle of the day w/ a friend.

6/10: Orange Juice and Milk

Delicious combination. That's all I can say. Try it. Check it out. Love it.

6/9: Polaroid Cameras

I've had a recent itch to purchase an old style polaroid camera.  

They don't make them anymore?!  WTF?  The polaroid website has digital cameras?  instant digital cameras?  where is my beloved instant print?  the one where its like a magic surprise that you shake and shimmy a little and bang!: your image in all its rudimentary glory.

I am sad.  I haven't been this sad since i realized that they cancelled dark shadows.

at least there's ebay.

6/8: Energy Drinks

Oh...delicious sweetness.  Why must you be so powerful?!  Why!  

Okay, so I am powerless over my energy drink consumption.  They make me happy, they make me sweat and my heart skips little caffeine beats.  I drag without them; hype up crash down with them.

And so many varieties.  I learned today about a new energy drink that is crushin' my brain.

Shockwave Sugar Free (imagine deep dramatic movie voice)

mmm...yummy

6/7: Farmer Tan

The fastest way to a farmer's tan?  Make sure to always wear a t-shirt w/ extra long sleeves while sweating away in the sun.  On a really sunny, really warm day.

You will be amazed how quickly you look as though you purposefully stenciled the design of "really white girl" onto your shoulders and "really burned white girl" on your forearms.

Sounds logical right?  Sounds like something I really should have known right.  Well "knowing" and knowing are two very different things.

Please be kind when you see me next.  I'm currently using duct tape to even out my glow.

6/6: Porn

Okay, so porn is not for me.

How do I know this?  Well, I rented one from On-Demand and started watching it and was so bored and annoyed that I went into the other room to read.

Why did I rent a porn?  Good question.

The evening began by me having a nice conversation with my dear friend Lisa.  We were talking and jabbering away about this and that.  At some point, she said something that produced an unsavory image in my mind.  I laughed and said, "shit, I'm gonna have to watch porn to get that out of my head now!"

We laughed a bit about it and said our good-nights.

It got me a'thinkin' though.  "Hmmm.....porn."

Well, I'm a red-blooded American of legal age with this beautiful technology of On-Demand television programming.

I'm not sure if you have explored your On-Demand options, but there is quite an extensive library of "adult programming."

If you know me well, though, you'd know that it is not an easy task for me to select a movie, let alone "adult" movies.  I had to go through every single fucking (pardon the pun) description and weigh the options in each category.

Examples of categories: barely legal, pure sex, reality kings, wicked, etc.  I will not go into the genre of porn I chose (though it was not barely legal).

Okay, so this is expensive porn, however, so I decided that I not only needed to pick the right one, but I needed to tape it to get my money's worth.

Problems: my VCR wasn't working.  It took about 30 minutes to fix that.  1:30 am.  I had to find a tape that was blank or that had something I could tape over.  I get interested in things easily and so watched several beginnings of tapes such as the "VH1 100 Greatest Videos of All Time," tons of Tori performances (I love Tori), news from 911 (why the hell do I have that?) and random programs about religion form the History Channel.

By the time I actually fixed the VCR, found a tape and selected the perfect movie, it was 2:10 am.   I, of course, chose a longer porn (see, my money's worth).  I started that sucker and settled in.

AHHH!!! It was so freakin' terrible.  The "actors" were unattractive, they were obviously novices in their field who continued to look over at the cameraman for direction (probably also the writer and director) and I couldn't stop criticizing their every action.

"She's faking it."  "No woman would have nails that long." "Who actually does that in real life?" "Man, that is nasty!" "The fan is a stupid touch." etc. etc.

And is was the same terrible stuff for 80 minutes!

Long story short, I'm out $13.99, Charter now knows I watched a porn and I have an extremely grainy VHS copy of the event.

At least I learned I don't like porn.

6/5: Learn Something Why Don't Ya!

Today I realized that I didn't learn anything today.  Not that I didn't actually learn something or that new things didn't come my way, but that I didn't pay any attention to them.

So, I guess I learned today that I need to pay attention in order to learn something everyday.  

That's something, right?

6/4: Chicken Sandwiches

I love Burger King "Original Chicken Sandwiches."

I crave them; sometimes waking from a restful slumber thinking about them.

But I never eat them. I am against eating fast food and do not do so.

Today, I had a chicken club sandwich at Holiday's Restaurant in Ann Arbor. (Plug for Holiday's!) It was better than the BK chicken thing and it had bacon!

What a glorious sandwich.

Thank you Holiday's! Thank You!

6/3: Meat Tenderizer and Hornets

Okay, so someone actually told this to me about a week ago. I was skeptical but tried it anyway.

Making a paste out of meat tenderizer (you know, the spice stuff) and a little water gets rid of the itch of a hornet bite when applied to the bite spot.

Holy Cows!!!

What a strange thing to learn.

I love life.

6/2: Friendships and Loss

I spent a lot of time thinking on my scooter ride home today (notice the mention of scooter once again). A situation occurred, it wasn't a big dramatic blow out situation, but something that got me thinking a lot about my relationship with someone very close to me. (see blog for 5/25 for some more info).

I've made a lot of changes in the past year. These changes have been so amazing for my well-being, that I cannot even begin to list all the gratitude I have.

Some things I have not changed, including this relationship.

Today I realized that no matter how much it saddens me, no matter how much I would like things to be different - they are not.

I learned today that I must not have this person in my life any longer.

I am sorry, friend. This is sad (what a sad blog), but it is for the best - for now or forever. I hope the best for this person. I love this person and I know that this person also loves me.

I learned today that it is not enough sometimes.

I am sorry dear readers for all the sadness and personal stuff. This is my blog and some days I learn things that aren't so happy. But the next day may be.

That's what keeps us going. Hope.

6/1: Ants and Baking Soda

A friend today told me of a trick to keep ants out of your house.

I've seen a couple recently inside and do not like it one bit.

She told me to spread a thin line of baking soda in the path of the ants at various entry points. The ants will not cross the line because the baking soda sticks to their exoskeletons and slowly dehydrates them. This results in death. Ants do not want to die.

This is incredible news! No harsh chemicals, no smelly stuff. No expensive products to buy!

Wow, you really do learn something new everyday.

5/31: Scooter Again!?

I rode my scooter into town today on the back roads.

It was great! I learned I can do it! That it isn't as scary as I thought.

I didn't fall off.

I didn't tip over.

I didn't veer into traffic!

What a wonderful feeling.

Though it gets a bit cold.

I need a better jacket.

5/30: Self-Confidence & Beautiful People

We all have days were we feel less attractive.

You know, those days when you wear the big lumpy sweatshirt and a baseball cap to make yourself feel better but end up looking slouchier?

Well, I have those days as well and have been having a few lately. Pre-summer beauty crisis: I need a tan, lose a couple of pounds, dye the hair, put the contacts in, etc. etc.

Hmmm....

Don't see the Sex and the City movie if you're feeling a little less beautiful. Great movie (definitely see it if you love(d) the show. Unfortunatley, there is nothing like seeing a group of beatiful women in fabulous clothing in a beatiful sunny New York at trendy night clubs to give a blow to the ego.

I learned today that I can be vain and just plain hard on myself. I am beautiful, dammit! I gotta remember that.

5/29: Scooter Riding Revisted

I purchased a scooter today. Wonderful Yamaha Zuma!

I am stoked, but learned that it is not actually as easy to ride a scooter on the road as it is on 100 feet of empty parking lot. Turning is difficult and I need to work on stopping without putting out my feet Flintstone style.

I started out on my first ride. First, I hit a car (very slowly with no damage) as I tried to turn out of the parking lot. Second, I turned really wide onto Jackson Ave. and actually ended up on the sidewalk. I then proceeded to ride onto the sidewalk because I was terrified of the 50 mph traffic.

Oh dear.

Matt and I put the scooter in the back of my van and drove it up to my home. He practiced with me and showed me some tips.

I better get learned quick on this damn thing! I just spent a bunch of money and it won't be worth it if I don't ride it.