How do I know this? Well, I rented one from On-Demand and started watching it and was so bored and annoyed that I went into the other room to read.
Why did I rent a porn? Good question.
The evening began by me having a nice conversation with my dear friend Lisa. We were talking and jabbering away about this and that. At some point, she said something that produced an unsavory image in my mind. I laughed and said, "shit, I'm gonna have to watch porn to get that out of my head now!"
We laughed a bit about it and said our good-nights.
It got me a'thinkin' though. "Hmmm.....porn."
Well, I'm a red-blooded American of legal age with this beautiful technology of On-Demand television programming.
I'm not sure if you have explored your On-Demand options, but there is quite an extensive library of "adult programming."
If you know me well, though, you'd know that it is not an easy task for me to select a movie, let alone "adult" movies. I had to go through every single fucking (pardon the pun) description and weigh the options in each category.
Examples of categories: barely legal, pure sex, reality kings, wicked, etc. I will not go into the genre of porn I chose (though it was not barely legal).
Okay, so this is expensive porn, however, so I decided that I not only needed to pick the right one, but I needed to tape it to get my money's worth.
Problems: my VCR wasn't working. It took about 30 minutes to fix that. 1:30 am. I had to find a tape that was blank or that had something I could tape over. I get interested in things easily and so watched several beginnings of tapes such as the "VH1 100 Greatest Videos of All Time," tons of Tori performances (I love Tori), news from 911 (why the hell do I have that?) and random programs about religion form the History Channel.
By the time I actually fixed the VCR, found a tape and selected the perfect movie, it was 2:10 am. I, of course, chose a longer porn (see, my money's worth). I started that sucker and settled in.
AHHH!!! It was so freakin' terrible. The "actors" were unattractive, they were obviously novices in their field who continued to look over at the cameraman for direction (probably also the writer and director) and I couldn't stop criticizing their every action.
"She's faking it." "No woman would have nails that long." "Who actually does that in real life?" "Man, that is nasty!" "The fan is a stupid touch." etc. etc.
And is was the same terrible stuff for 80 minutes!
Long story short, I'm out $13.99, Charter now knows I watched a porn and I have an extremely grainy VHS copy of the event.
At least I learned I don't like porn.
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